Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
