yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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