I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
