her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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