did you get engaged???
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
