Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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