People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
