She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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