Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
