You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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