Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
