i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
