I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
