so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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