Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
