ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
