what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
