I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
