Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
