"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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