I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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