No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We are all done wearing pants today
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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