i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
