I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
