You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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