fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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