If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
