theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
