So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
