Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
