ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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