Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
