fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i will never coherently bang her
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
