She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
