Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we're making bets on your personal life
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
