im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You can't motorboat a personality
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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