UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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