Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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