Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I hate all girls vehemently.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
