I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
