had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
