I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
