Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
