You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
