I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Randomize
