Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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