Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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