She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
