Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
