So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
