Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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