I bet he comes in French.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
God I need to hump something, right now.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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