Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
