Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
