apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
