She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
it was like eating out sand paper
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
