I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
